I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
