At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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