I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
