Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
