I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
