She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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