So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
