I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
