I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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