Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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