yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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