Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize