Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
