the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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