Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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