Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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