Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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