Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
