i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
