Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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