it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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