Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
