i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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