He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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