I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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