Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
