Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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