so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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