What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
