they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
