Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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