she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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