My room smells like vodka and shame
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
