I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
