She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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