All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
