In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the day after is always just damage control
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize