The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
