I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
