I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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