And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
