Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
