I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
