I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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