boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
