Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
