Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
