I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
