If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
