On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
