Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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