The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
