I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
