If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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