I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize