Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
