I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
