I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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