dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
