Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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