none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
