So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All the doctor said was why
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
