I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
