my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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