So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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