i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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