I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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