I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
