he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
