It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
