i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
