Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
