Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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