pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
