I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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