The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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