i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize