we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
