guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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