Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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