You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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