my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
