And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
