Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
