I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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