Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
