Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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