we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
