sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
