My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize