I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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