I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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