I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
