I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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