Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
