Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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