they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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