Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
