this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its not stalking. its research.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
