Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
