Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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