so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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