I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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