Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
