I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we should paint friendship bongs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
