I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize