even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
