The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
