And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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