So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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