You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
