How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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