It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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