my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
