I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
